Let me slice through the bullshit here.
Michael Phelps, the Olympic champion swimmer, seems like a really nice guy — especially for a celebrity swimmer. I also get that there aren’t many promotional opportunities to make money for an athlete who spent most of his life doing laps in a swimming pool, unless it’s being a lifeguard or selling speedo’s. Shit, Jesse Owens was once forced to lower himself to running a lap against a racehorse after his Olympic Games just to pay some bills. I guess Phelps can’t be blamed for lowering himself to plucking crumbs like a starved pigeon at the obvious money grab of being offered a chance to swim against a dangerous animal live on national television.
But. Come the fuck on, people. Let’s get real!
Anyone who watched this entertainment fuck show deserved to be swindled and made enraged afterward. I sure as hell didn’t tune-in to some contrived “spectacle” consisting of 55-minutes of boring bullshit (I am sure 17 minutes of it commercials), followed by the much-anticipated pop shot that had all the panache of a watching a bloody hemorrhoid surgery.
Seems the shark wasn’t real, after all. I didn’t bother to investigate. But the shark was apparently something called a “simulation.” It was a lame ass fake. A bait and switch. I giant fuck you to millions of dopes who tuned-in to this stupid ass charade with all the sick allure of those terrified horses that used to dive off platforms into a swimming pool to amuse idiots with pathetically empty lives. Hey, the only excitement that could have really taken place is if Phelps really raced against a Great White Shark, followed by a break in the net, followed by the loose shark swimming over into Phelps‘ lane. If that happened, the Olympian would have shattered a few more world records.
Heeeeeeeeeeeeelp!
Yeah, summer television is mindlessly cringeworthy. But this is a new low. I’d say Michael Phelps has “jumped the shark“, but apparently none of his sharks are real.
T.E. Bechtold 