For the first time in American history, a major political party will nominate a woman to the presidency. I figured there would be more celebration around this milestone – like people running to the White House, filtering their Facebook profile pictures in recognition, plastering #ImWithHer stickers on everything, and so on.

Mass digital hysteria happens over things that range from “oh, that’s terrible” to “this is the dumbest.” A lion and a dentist, an ugly dress, National Talk Like a Pirate Day, Joseph Kony (where is that guy, anyway?) In theory, 51% of the population should be amped up about tonight’s news – and yet there is no mass digital hysteria.

Why don’t we care?

It’s not a victory for women. It’s a victory for one corrupt and powerful woman who got there by denigrating other women.

Clinton entered the public eye because of who she was married to. That’s not necessarily wrong, but it’s not breaking a glass ceiling.

When Bill cheated, which was often – and allegedly in the form of assault, Hillary responded by smearing his accusers as bimbos who nobody should believe. That’s not how you do feminism, Hillary.

Then she accomplished next to nothing as a Senator from New York (after she was “dead broke” leaving the White House – so broke that she was caught stealing furniture, but was somehow able to afford a multimillion dollar mansion). She and Bill bought the New York house so she could meet the residency requirement to run for Senate. Nothing says “Independent Woman” like hauling in cash from your husband’s speaking fees and using them to fund your political ambitions by funneling through a sham charity. Am I right, ladies? So relatable!

Hillary’s failures as Secretary of State are so well-documented that they don’t bear repeating here. Think about this the next time you have a bad day at work: If you have never endangered national security, committed a felony, and wound up under federal investigation, you have not screwed up your job as royally as Hillary Clinton.

And then she gave a speech about income inequality while wearing a $12K Armani jacket. That’s just incredibly tactless. I want to see a classy lady make it to the Oval Office first – not a classist one.

The bar to run for President is low. There are only two criteria: A person must have been born on American soil, and must be at least 35 years old. I’m sure that you personally know more than one woman who can check both boxes and is trustworthy, ethical, and smart. I care about having a competent President more than having a female one. But selfishly, I’d sure like to see a woman president in my lifetime – as long as she’s a good one.

Hillary is not the best among us. Not even close. She just happens to have gotten there first. If this milestone was reached by a woman who exemplifies the best of what women can be – capable, brilliant, honest, caring, creative, the list goes on – we’d be pumped. But instead, we are learning what it would feel like to watch Regina George  (Mean Girls – so you don’t have to google her) win Spring Fling Queen. You did it…yay?